How to become a refugee…

New York Times did a report on how to enter into America as a refugee.

Well first we have to assume that you are in a war thorn country, witnessed things that the average American only see in movies and sadly figured out that there is no future for you in the country after that:

  1. You have to be registered by the UN.
  2. Then you have your first interview with the UN.
  3. If you are accepted by the UN you officially become a refugee, similar to high school degree.
  4. When you are a refugee, UN could be nice enough to refer you to go to US

(side note, only the UN decides if you are a refugee or not…and where you should go…the chance of going to the US is slim, like less than one percent. O yea, don’t forget that you are still in the war torn country while you are applying for one or a couple of years.)

  1. Then you get your first interview with State Department Contractors if you made it so far.
  2. Then your first background check.
    • If you are special you could get another for free!
  3. But in the US we love checking things twice you get another background check. (this is for everyone)
  4. The US likes to get physical so they get your biological autograph, fingerprints.
  5. Not once, not twice but threes, US just loves refugees.
  6. If you are Syrian, then how lucky you are. Very important people in the US immigration headquarters check your application, sometimes twice.
  7. Then if you are very good at being a refugee then you could meet with a Homeland Security officer in Turkey or Jordan, how exciting is that! The officer needs to like you to go to the next step, so put on your best smile when you go!
  8. Next, you have a doc appointment and they see if you have any bad diseases
  9. Then just like college, you get a cultural orientation class, how exciting, you can learn how to be an AMERICAN YEA!
  10. We are not done yet, just like college student pick suitemates, you are matched with a resettlement agency, but unlike the college student, you have no say
  11. We are almost there because this process is very long and you may not be alive at the end, the officials in America do another Multi-agency security check before you leave
  12. And finally in the America airport, you get your final security check

All this for being a refugee and coming to American. Man, this is the worst application process I have probably witnessed. Also, to everyone who says that it is easy to come to America as a refugee, please, then do it. I dare you. Finish it in a year and do not kill yourself in the process.

–Speaker

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